为什么？

为什么总是要烟消云散的前一刻，
却撩起那仅剩的火种？
我。累了。

不想了，可以吗？

。。。。。。

原来。。。

一直在想见到你的她我会怎样。
原来，我心里会那么的不好受。
真不敢想像我可以怎样面对；
更不敢想像到时我还在这里到吗？

最遥远的距离

世界上最遥远的距离，就是我在你面前，你却不知道我喜欢你。。。
转过头的那一刻，我不停地在问自己，到底我想要什么；
驾着那漫长的车程时，脑里无时无刻都在反问自己想怎样；
要的是你的那一声问候吗，还是要的是自讨没趣，我不知道。
我想你永远都不会知道，叫了那一盘沙拉，我并不是在减肥，
其实只是我刚用过了晚餐，没告诉你；却应了与你共度晚餐的邀请。
站在那里等待的当儿，真的有点害怕；
怕你带着你的她出现在我面前，怕我不知道该怎么面对；
更害怕的是自己的不知所措。
我很清楚地知道，我不该在奢望什么，因为在这时候我实在没那个权利去奢望。
或许对你，我们纯粹是朋友；可是你那出乎预料的问候就是让我不舍得，不舍得放手。
深深的感受到上一句话。
我，彷徨。

Shoot again....

While waiting for the Working Holiday Travel Date to come, I continued to take up jobs to buck up my 'bullets' ---> money for the TRIP. And I was lucky enough to have work with Big International Star on this shoot. Shoot was tough under hot sun and I'm totally burnt within a day. Well, can't reveal much as the project is still on editing stage. Meanwhile can only show you photos, make a wild guess......and yes, this project involve a heli shot as well, unfortunately I didn't get a chance to board on the heli =(

静静的生日

已迈入第二年了。祝我生日快乐！

almost end of the year

it's already the 10th month of the year and reviewing the resolution that had been set this year, hmmm.....i don't think i have achieve any of that. Sad to say that, UK visa is still hanging, doesn't even know whether do I stand a chance looking at the situation now; not really improve on my photography skill except that I had sucessfully bought the 50mm lens. Diving - not yet as I can't even find an activity partner that would do that together with me not to say the $$ for that whole course. As for the someone, haaa.....I think I've almost give up. Not moving forward much also from my past either. Maybe I would have to wait for someone who I'd love more than the previous relationship....and that's the hardest part....

**I thought I've found, but it seems like it's just a "mirage"....however is still confused***

Soul search?

What's on earth is happening to me? One side of me ask myself to move on, another side of me is just unwilling to accept the fact.... Seriously doesn't know where my soul have been hiding away, having hard time to look for it....

Will there ever be someone who can be my mentor, to lead me through these .... to open my hearts???

Trash OUT

Have been having a lots of indescribable feelings recently, and mood change quite swiftly. Am used to be quite sensitive and accurate on my instinct, but recently, i just can't really tell whether they failed me or not. Lots of question just clotted my mind about why people react the way they react, about life issues, about human relationships, about career, about leadership, about the right way people should be treated, about my past, about the regrets and much much more.....a friend told me that I should try once in a while to let go myself, make myself go wild so that I don't think too much....but, I'm thinking, is that one day of 'trashing out' works for all the 'trash' that had been clotting my mind all these while?

leaving behind those memories....

It takes a minute to find a special person, an hour to appreciate them, a day to love them, but it takes forever to forget them....
the more I wanted to forget, the more i remember. A friend asked, if given a chance, would you like to go back to your 19yrs old? Sweet 19, everyone has it, and me too. In my deep heart, of course, I wish to turn back. But knowing the fact that, it's impossible impossible. Regret is already useless at this point. I know so clearly that I NEED TO MOVE ON. I need to move forward, but past memories just kept gushing back bits by bits that had made my days so doomed.....Can someone just tell me how I can stop those memories from overcasting me? How can I leave behind all these and move on.......???

最想念的人

发现一篇对于我现时的心情蛮贴切的文章。。改编了少少。。。


以前爱过一个人 开心痴醉过
*但
因为时间..距离结果没有在一起 [或许爱情已消失了吧…………]
*但-感觉不会假*
有时会勾起回忆然后又一阵无奈

想念是种无情的痛
失去的酸楚无法形容
回忆是种放逐的梦
你依然教我承受情哀
你看不见我的心在痛
含泪在眼中多承重
你看得见我真的为爱感动
心不真爱不深心怎会痛
我是真的为你而付出

离开你的日子 我无疑有些难过
一直无法释怀 我对你的冷淡
对不起我不曾给你一个理由
只希望你快乐你幸福就足够

爱情太短促
曾经拥有后就是刻骨铭心
我不是不能忘不忘旧时的累积
也不分是脑是愁是悔在心头
在思潮起伏间它们包围着缠绕着
把所有快乐拦挡在这伤心的夜里

为什么想要的承诺
只能被微笑掠过
为什么想要的幸福
总是离我好远好远

承诺往往容易说出口
但实践太难…而我遵守对你的承诺
*等待* - *盼望*-
结果不是我想要……
我终于了解用情太深会无助
悄悄的孤独 不给你打扰的束缚


忘记你没法与记忆疏离
不是想逃离只怕承重的爱我负担不起
十年了…
告诉自己别再回首 哭泣的脸庞不应为你而落泪
别哭 我试着让自己残酷
让爱笑着结束
别再让我放不下一颗爱你的心

心里还再想着你吗?
错过的就不能再重头
这世界纷纷渺渺来去匆匆
曾经拥有真的已经足够吗
感谢能让我有爱上你的幸运
遗憾的是缘分太快消失………我很想念你
I’ll Remember To Love

[给我最想念的你]-

CNY = A time to remember the childhood sweet memories

CNY had always been the time when most of the frens gather from all around the world, the time when everyone is free and hangs out together, just for a chat. This year CNY is indeed an unpredictable one where we got a chance to get in touch with the next class childhood frens - 6K. Had been hanging out with some old frens (or should i say 'new' frens as I barely had any memories of them - what is in my mind is only their faces and some names) for these past two days. It's indeed interesting to meet someone new yet it seems like you should be knowing them for ages.Well, all I can say this is a short but satisfying meetup....

subconsciously depressed...

had the weirdest dream yesterday and believe it or not i cried not in my dream, but while i'm sleeping....everything is so true....and i can only say i'm subconsciously depressed. There's no other reason to explain this....

hate this feeling....

i hate the time whenever this feelings come back...
being sentimental and starting to think whether did I make the wrong decision...
what had happened to me...
i asked my inner self ... am I regret? No. I don't think so...
but why ? why do I keep having this kind of feeling....why?
maybe it's just not the right time yet...maybe....maybe....
i just need to be patient....patience and more patience....

Bye bye 2007 ....

Almost time to say good bye to 2007. Looking back at the resolution that I had set this year (of course in my mind....hehe) I done mostly all of them, a happy thing to say. Finished paying up my lappie and got myself the apple care, just that haven't got the skin for my keyboard yet, learnt swimming the first step to diving, got my first DSLR in my life - D80, and most of all travelled to Siem Reap and see the magnificent Angkor Wat which is also the 2nd World Wonders that I have keep logged into my traveller's log - the 1st one is The Great Wall.....
hmm...now let's think what's my 2008 resolution? time to put down all the past and move forward, really move forward this time...Firstly, planning for a UK holiday working visa trip next year and hopefully it will be as fruitful as it could be as to write a memorable chapter into my life. Next what, maybe to find more activities partner? to hone my skills of photography? to start diving? to find the someone? haaa...maybe I'm too greedy to have all the best thing happen in 2008. All in all, hopefully all of us have a wonderful and fruitful 2008 to come....

Way Back Into Love ..

Love this song and rhythm very much, the lyrics is meaningful too which speaks my inner voice for the moment....
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ce_DxJFdgM4
I’ve been living with a shadow overhead
I’ve been sleeping with a cloud above my bed
I’ve been lonely for so long
Trapped in the past, I just can’t seem to move on

I’ve been hiding all my hopes and dreams away
Just in case I ever need ‘em again someday
I’ve been setting aside time
To clear a little space in the corners of my mind

All I want to do is find a way back into love
I can’t make it through without a way back into love

I’ve been watching but the stars refuse to shine
I’ve been searching but I just don’t see the signs
I know that it’s out there
There’s got to be something for my soul somewhere

I’ve been looking for someone to shed some light
Not somebody just to get me through the night
I could use some direction
And I’m open to your suggestions

All I want to do is find a way back into love
I can’t make it through without a way back into love
And if I open my heart again
I guess I’m hoping you’ll be there for me in the end

There are moments when I don’t know if it’s real
Or if anybody feels the way I feel
I need inspiration
Not just another negotiation

All I want to do is find a way back into love
I can’t make it through without a way back into love
And if I open my heart to you
I’m hoping you’ll show me what to do
And if you help me to start again
You know that I’ll be there for you in the end

Tracking Back.....

a mockup traffic jam scene




tracking back the past on what's happening to my life since august....work, bad experience, work, birthday at work, making impossible possible. Right after I have a long shoot since Aug, I got myself into 3 jobs since then. 1st one out of the company that I used to be for the past year, a job for the biggest gas supplier in Malaysia, Petronas. It's a commercial about their various services. Not a good experience for me for the 1st time - 1st time working without a 3rd party cost, 1st time shooting rain scene with rain truck, 1st time running 5 petrol station within 3 days. Things changes last minute and leaving no room for reaction. As a perfectionist all the time, I'm starting to gave up and trying to let go gradually. Starting to ask myself to take it easy and follow the flow, anyhow it's just another job. However, got a chance to see BMW 5 series and also VW beatles car....unfortunately haven't got a chance to ride on the VW.





KL Skyline from Empire Tower



Next one is a tourism job and chicken essence...both from the same company which drags for a month and a half. Same thing, still prefer on the system that I used to be with. Finding it hard to familiarize myself with the no system system. Praying everyday wishing days past faster so that it won't torture me for so long. And finally it's over.....In between of this, had been having a sad birthday, with no one beside me celebrating for me for the 1st time after all these years. Luckily I had to prepare for the pre-pro meeting and got my time occupied. Anyhow, after I finished these 2 tiring jobs, I treated myself with my 'dream' camera - Nikon D80. Joined a photography club too to learn and explore more on photography, hopefully to get my skills brush up with it....

those were the days....

...when there's a shoulder for me to cry on...
...when there's someone to talk to when I'm bored...
...when there's someone to turn to when I'm in trouble...
...when there's someone to tell me where to go whenever I'm lost.....
....when there's someone to scold at me when I'm wrong.....
....when there's someone to pacify me when I'm sad....
....when there's someone to calm me down when I'm angry....
....those were the days......

R.I.P.

Worst thing that had gotten on me....

been superb busy since last shoot on end june. First with an ogawa shoot, prepping only for 6 days then shoot. I was asked to produce this super rush job with 2 boards while still waiting for the confirmation of maybank to get going. Good thing is once I agreed to take on the job, the maybank job got confirmed and the bad thing is I have to split myself into 2. Back to the ogawa shoot, the whole day we are shooting in toilet, lift and staircase (didn't manage to capture the toilet scene sorry)......a long long shoot until 5am. Luckily the director is someone who's easy to work with that make the whole shoot run quite smoothly.

Next was the big big "M" shoot where we have 80 talents to coordinate, tens of locations to round around and 200 shot to cover, all within 8 days. A super crazy shoot where the crews got only 5-6 hours of sleep a day. As for production side, 2 weeks before the shoot we got to stay up late to coordinate the talents and locations. The talents are really 'superstar' like biscuit, 'now you see now you don't'. They can tell you they can do it in a second, and in the next minute they will say they can't do it already. So we have to do all over again whenever there is changes as we need to do some mix matching. This "M" shoot really got lots of problem,camera problem, generator problems, talents didn't show up... maybe because of the bad luck that had been following that drag down the whole team. Sorry guys, my bad.


That's not the worst thing yet. Right after the 9th day shoot, I ran into an accident on my way back home, because of fallen asleep while driving. And best thing is I knock onto a 'new car' Nissan Latio when the car is only out for a month....Gosh !!!......Will that be the last bad luck that I will be getting?? Hopefully that's the one......I do not want any worst anymore....give me a break will U....